Always Angry: Keeping the Monster Caged
photo credit - Nsey Benajah via unsplash
Have you ever felt like you get angry out of nowhere? I mean, one minute everything is fine, and the next you want to “explode” (silently or otherwise) and just be left alone. This is something that I have struggled with in the past and every now and then it creeps up on me still. There are many factors that can lead to these feelings, today I will go over my personal experience with this particular struggle as well as common causes.
My story
From the time I was a child and even to this day I find myself, on occasion, being angry for what seems to be no apparent or obvious reason. I’m not talking about an anger that builds up over time. I mean, I could be having the best day of my life and then… BOOM, instant “hulk mode”. I want to smash everything, be left alone and everything irritates me to no end. For the longest time, I could not figure out why. I would find myself seething and wanting to destroy things out of nowhere. One day I took a hard look in the mirror. I was tired of this. I was tired of hurting those I loved and truly cared about so I decided I was going to figure this out.
Without going into a lot of detail, I have been through a lot of trauma in my life. From trauma I faced through loss as a child and teenager to combat situations when enlisted in the Army. These things, left unresolved and unprocessed, only “fed the monster” growing inside.
What I Did About It
In working with a therapist, I figured out that it was the unresolved trauma that left me feeling angry about it. I never confronted anyone about it. I never accepted that it wasn’t my fault. So, aside from therapy, I started working on me. I took time to reflect on my days. I talked to a close friend or my wife about them and triggers (that I noticed), and I took time to do things that brought me peace. Over time, I started to notice a change. I wasn’t silently exploding anymore and wanted to be around people I cared about more often.
So, Where Else Can This Come From?
Anger that comes out of nowhere can be rooted in many parts of our lives. Mine was rooted deep in unresolved trauma. However, there are other places it can come from.
Stress – When we get stressed out, our brains try to protect us. Some lash out to “make the stress go away”, this can be a common response. It is important to recognize this and counterbalance the stress with self-care activities that “recharge our batteries”.
Depression – Anger can be the “mask” that hides depression. There are a vast number of individuals (men and women) that were raised to believe that being sad or depressed is a form of weakness. So, to combat this, they show anger as it is viewed as a powerful emotion and is not scrutinized as often.
Trauma – Traumatic situations can leave us feeling lost, confused or even angry. Many people that suffer from these experiences can develop posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Not knowing how to work through and process these experiences can result in fits of anger as well as other symptoms.
Substance Use and Abuse – Various substances can change our personalities and even alter our brain chemistry. The reasons people use these substances vary from easing pain to becoming addicted to them after frequent use.
Other Mental Health Diagnoses – Anger can also stem from other, underlying mental health issues. A few of these are Bipolar Disorder, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, personality disorders, mood disorders, and Traumatic Brain Injury.
Anger that comes out of nowhere can be confusing. It effects our mental well-being, our relationships and disrupts our lives. If you or someone you know struggles with this, I can help. Reach out…